July 27, 2018. This was the day we departed to the new, to the unknown, to the internal search.
Suitcases ready, chills, fear, anxiety rising, sadness coming and happiness exploding.
At 3am the alarm clock rang and I got up because I do not know if I got to sleep so I can not say I woke up … hahaha! I went to get ready and heard my cell phone rang. It was my mother. She was at the door of my house to hug me one last time (pause to say that I’m already crying while I write this. I’m a real Libra girl). She stayed with me, we had coffee, I stayed on her lap, lots of hugs and kisses, until it was time to depart from Arroio do Meio and head to the airport. Wow, how difficult that moment was! I cried a lot. I did not want to let my mother go, but I had to, because time was running and I had to get in the car and go to the airport. I confess the feeling was not good. It really hurts.
So there we went. In one car was me, my father, my brother, my aunt and my godmother. On the other car was Xande, his father and his mother.
At the airport, we checked in, packed our bags and waited for the boarding time.
And the boarding. Oh, my God, it raises my throat when I think about that time. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The feeling of goodbye is inexplicable. It gives a pain in the chest, the cold in the belly is uncontrolled, your eye fills with tear, you do not know what to do, without words and feeling much, but very much love for those people. So I hugged each one tightly and said that I loved them. I went into the boarding area, looked back one more time, took a deep breath, and went. Our journey had begun at that moment.
It was basically 24 hours in transit, until I set my feet in Portuguese grounds.
We went from Porto Alegre to Florianópolis and from Florianópolis to Viracopos, São Paulo, where we stayed for 9 hours waiting for the plane to Lisbon.
Well, those 9 o’clock were loooong. Xande, my dear, had a bad stomach and a headache. I think he was in an anxiety crisis, so I gave him lots of water, put on a meditation song, did Reiki and ThetaHealing and he fell asleep. When he woke up, feeling better, we went to see the huge airport of Viracopos since we had another 6h of waiting ahead. We sat on benches talking, sleeping and watching the planes on the takeoff and landing.
All that wait gave me time to think about everything. Everything I was leaving behind, like the caring of my family, the hugs of my friends, the comfort of my home, the games with my godson, my reiki patients, that is, leaving a life that I built to live another, but all in order to live my dream. MY DREAM! It was real. I was finally realizing it, so an euphoria took over my being and I only thought about the possibilities that opened up for me and I could only smile, until, daydreaming, I heard the call for the flight to Lisbon. It was time to leave Brazil.
The flight from Viracopos to Lisbon lasted about 9 and a half hours and it was a tense flight, with people getting sick and passing out on board, instabilities and everything. I could not wait to get there.
Oh, I have to say that when the plane was taxiing through Lisbon and I saw the Terreiro do Paço from above, my eyes filled with tears. I was not believing that I was in Portugal again, that beautiful where I was given so many great gifts in the form of friendships. At that time, Xande said, “Do not cry yet. Only after you get in!”
And speaking of getting in, the immigration queue was gigantic, but that’s a subject for another article. Now it’s time for Xande to speak about how he felt about that day!
Your turn, my love…
Xande in the area! I share practically everything Bê described. The butterflies in the stomach, the pain of leaving behind people that I love so much, that unforgettable moment that you look at the people and give a “bye” without the slightest idea of when (and if) you will be able to see again … No doubt there is a lot of feelings involved.
I remember I had this saying in my mind: “You do not make an omelet without breaking some eggs”. For me, the “omelette” finally meant, after more than 10 years of procrastination, to take the great step and realizing my dream of knowing more of the world in a backpacker tour with no end date. Then, in principle, all this pain had a reason for being there. It meant one more step – and a the big one – toward myself. To the inner self.
And there we went.
As Bê commented, I was very bad at Viracopos. I see no other explanation but that it was all a sum of anxiety and many other mixed feelings. By the way, let me say: I’m so grateful to you, for taking care of me (then, but also now)! It was crucial!
The best thing is that now, April 7, 2019, eight months later, I’m able to say that this was the best decision I ever made in my life; that I would do it all over again; that I would relive every experience, including those that were not so good – which were not few – because those were the experiences I certainly learned most from!
We keep going!